Confessions- Part Two
Father Teger boiled the kettle, taking out two tea bags from the cupboard and placed them in his Thermos. His eyes glanced over the chipped tiles, then caught sight of the picture of him with Father O'Heifearnain. He moved it slightly to the left, finished making his tea and returned to the confessional.
He sat in contemplation, sipping at his tea. Then he looked down at his watch. 11:47. The repose was broken by a grunting and a shuffle of the curtain. A figure sat down heavily. Teger received the smell of tobacco and sweat. He put his flask down.
“Hello father.” The voice was deep and clear. It was a man.
“Good morning, what’s on your mind?”
“I need to confess, father.”
“Okay, well please begin in your own time.”
“Certainly, father. But it’s a bit of a long story.” A foul smell that appeared suddenly, alongside the tobacco and sweat. Father Teger had known similar happen before and ignored it.
“Well, I work on a farm. I’m a labourer. I mostly do mornings.”
“Please continue when you are ready.”
“I’ve been working there for six or seven year, on and off. Mostly on. Pretty happy too father, you know what I mean?”
“Sure, just take your time.”
“So, anyway about eighteen month ago, no twenty, no two year. Aye, two year. The farmer’s daughter shows up, out of the blue like.”
The father took a sip of tea, while processing what he heard so far. “Please, do go on.”
“Well, she was absolutely fuckin… Sorry mate, sorry father. She was proper gorgeous, like.”
“Do not worry about the language. Continue your story.”
“Got talking with her, she’d split up with her boyfriend. Before long, you know, I’m giving her the message.”
“I see.” Teger again sipped his tea.
“The sex were… It were… She were amazing. I was happy.”
“So, you were happy? What was the issue?”
“I were right happy. You know, proper happy.”
“Yes, I understand.”
“But her mother found out. Must have heard us one day like.”
“Her mother lived on the same farm?”
“Aye, aye.”
“I see. This proved problematic?”
“You what, father?”
“It was difficult?”
“Aye, you could say that aye.”
“Please continue if you’d like to. I am here to listen.”
“The mother found me on my one in their kitchen. She called us all kinds of names, you know?”
“Just take your time, my son.”
“I thought she hated us, like. Wanted us gone.”
Father Teger put his flask down, leaned in towards the curtain. “Just take your time. I am here for you.”
The same foul smell resurfaced, only more acute this time.
“It happened so fast. One minute we was arguing, the next her hands was all over us.”
The odour worsened, as Teger waited. “What happened? Just take a moment if you need it.”
A purge of air shook the curtain. “Before I knew it, I was giving her the message too.”
There was a lengthy reticence. Father Teger closed his eyes for a moment, clasped his hands together. “You have finished what you wanted to share?”
“No, father. There’s more mate, father. I just, it’s hard. You know?”
“Of course, please take as long as you need.”
“So, for a minute, I was giving them both the message one day or another. But I weren’t happy, you know? I know the shit would hit the fan, you know what I mean?”
“So, you knew that this was unsustainable?”
“What?”
“You knew it could not continue?”
“Aye, aye.”
“What did you do then, my son?”
“I came here, like. For advice.”
Father Teger clasped his hands together, tighter. “Here? To this church?”
“Aye, aye.”
“I do not recall our conversation, my son. I feel I would have remembered.”
“You didn’t speak to us, father. I reckon it were before your time.”
“You spoke to my predecessor?
“What?”
“You spoke to Father O'Heifearnain?”
“Aye.”
Teger clasped his hands even tighter. “What did he say to you?”
“He told us to come clean, to make our peace with god, like.”
“How did you feel about that?”
“I didn’t really think it’d go well, like.”
An intake of breath. Father Teger realised it was him. “So, what happened?”
“I didn’t tell her about me and her mother at first, you know? Then I went back to see him again. The following week, no, the week after.”
“For further counsel?”
“No, I’m not interested in politics, mate, er father.”
“Sorry, for further advice?”
“Yeah.”
Teger shifted in place, smoothed the front of his cassock. Closed his eyes and forced himself to unclasp his hands. He looked down and saw that he had dug the nails into each of his hands.
“And what advice did you receive, my son?”
“He got angry with us,” There was a sharp intake of air, this time from the man. “Told us I must tell the truth or god would judge us, like.”
Teger picked up his flask and held it with both hands. “Did you agree with his advice?”
There was a further sharp breath from the man. “No mate, father. But I didn’t feel… I couldn’t disagree with a priest, like.”
Teger tightly held the flask in front of him, before realising he had closed his eyes again. “Do you wish to tell me what happened next?” He let the quiet linger for a long moment. And was honest with himself that he wasn’t sure he wanted to know.
“I had a few drinks, like. Cos I just couldn’t face it. Then wended my way to the farm.”
The flask had been put down. Teger had refastened his hands together. Opening his eyes, he continued. “Did you tell your lover the truth, my son?”
The foul smell returned, even more pronounced this time. It was accompanied by several sharp gasps. “Yeah.”
Teger dug his hands into each other. Even together, they quivered. He lifted his hands and pushed his knuckles briefly into his forehead. “And what happened, my son? Please go on if you want to.”
The smell only worsened, as the gasps became more frequent. “She’s…”
“Yes my son?”
“She’s gone.”
Continuing to push his knuckles into his forehead, Teger fortified himself to resume. “Gone?”
The gasps of air had only become more recurrent. “Gone.”
“You seek forgiveness for the act of cheating upon your lover? You are absolved.”
The breathy gulps of air slowed just for a moment. “No.” The smell returned. “I seek forgiveness for listening to that bastard.”
*
Teger took out two teabags and placed them in his flask as the kettle boiled. He looked up at the photo next to the kettle once more. He edged it further towards the left. As he did so, he saw that there were a couple of small cuts on the knuckles of each hand. Before pouring the hot water into his flask, he ran the tap and washed the blood away. The water was cold.
